nebulancer

Mutsuki Hajime's Speech - "A Luxurious and Joyful Time"

"Hyakunen Aoharu. Mutsuki Hajime’s Speech: A Luxurious and Joyful Time.

Having the ability to be lost on what to do, and worrying over things is a luxury and joy.

I haven't thought this way until just recently.

Because of my personality and nature, I've never needed to worry about things.

I make a decision, I finish it. That's how my surroundings thought of me.

The more I waste my time worrying about something, my initial response will be late, and I'll lose the initiative.

Time is always limited. Time is the only thing that I can't turn back or repeat.

Rather than waste time, I should get moving faster, so that I can do more things on the blank canvas ahead of me. At least, that was what I had thought.

That's how I'd lived my whole life.

Having spent relatively busy and satisfying days, I unexpectedly realized that I had spare time.

It was on a comfortable spring day.

I was taking things rather leisurely... if memory serves me correctly, I woke up past noon in my room in the dorms. As I was spaced out, I gazed at the shining, sparkling dust that the sunlight hit as it streamed down from the windows.

Aah. I have to clean up.

A little voice whispered at me in the back of my fuzzy mind.

It was the day after a hectic, work-filled week, where each day I would have about three hours of sleep.

My companions must have been considerate of me, letting me sleep as much as I wanted.

I always have some sort of job to work on, which is in fact a blessing for someone in the entertainment business. If I wanted to, I could do anything—everything I desired.

Scanning interview manuscripts, checking photographs, reaffirming my teammates’ jobs as well...

However, that day, there was nothing I truly needed to rush to finish.

Above all, I didn’t feel like doing anything.

I had no motivation. Zero, nil, nothing.

Still spaced out, I stared out at the sparkling dust for about thirty minutes.

I was suddenly struck by a sensation of hunger, wandering out my room aimlessly.

I had a kitchen in my room, and I had a good deal of ingredients in my refrigerator that I felt bad putting to waste. However, I didn’t feel like rummaging through it all.

Without a single thought in mind, I walked out to the living room.

I’d realized in that moment, that I was ‘in the mood for it.’

I was grateful.

They called out to me with a, ‘Good morning. ...Actually, it’s not morning anymore, is it?’

And I sank into the bead cushion we have next to the windowsill. Kai had left it there, saying it would make people useless, or what have you.

I was asked if I wanted to eat.

I responded that I did.

Yes. I was hungry.

When I was asked what I wanted to eat, I couldn’t decide. I couldn’t decide, even when presented a choice of one thing versus another.

It seemed that the cushion had been basking in the sunlight the whole time. When I burrowed my face deeper into it, it smelled of the slightly aromatic, pleasant sun.

It felt comfortable.

In that instant, I thought, ‘This is such a luxurious moment.’

Doing nothing aside from lazying around. Wasting precious time worrying about meaningless things.

I might eventually get myself an answer, or I might not. Despite my inability to decide, the person I was speaking to wouldn’t get upset with me.

I could tell that my consciousness and my thoughts were fading away into blank emptiness.

In the corner of my fading consciousness, I heard a, ‘Are you going to sleep?’ from outside.

I answered, ‘I’m hungry.’

He laughed at me, asking, ‘Which one is it?’ Then I laughed as well.

And I fell asleep again right then and there.

I woke up when the sun was going down.

At some point, a certain someone had brought in the same cushion and had fallen asleep right next to me. Hitting his snoozing, white-haired head, I woke up fully.

I heard laughter.

There were more people compared to before I’d fallen asleep.

Procella was there too. Pretty much everyone was there in the room.

There were numerous tasty-looking dishes on the table.

I nodded when they asked me, ‘Do you want to eat?’

It was a luxurious and joyful time.

...A single tear fell from my eye. I believe I hand-waved it, saying my eyes were dry or something.

I simply thought... it felt lovely.

There are days like that every so often.

That’s why I am here today.”