Tsukiuta Yumemigusa SS - 2/14/2023

[nebulancer]

🌸Yumemigusa🌸

February.

I looked up at the cherry blossom buds that were still hard, with no indication of blooming.

 

Do those buds know when they’ll come into shape?

 

When asked that, I didn’t think too deeply of it. I answered, “Wouldn’t it be around the end of the year?”

It was because I recalled the resilient courageousness of the buds, smothered by the snow.

Hearing my answer, he laughed lightly.

 

“Wrong.”

 

He had a tendency to find it amusing when I made a mistake or got something wrong.

I didn’t think it to be a good hobby, and in fact, I thought it to be slightly mean-spirited.

When I knit my brows together without even realizing, he followed up, as if anticipating me to do that.

 

“The correct answer’s in April – early summer, or summer. Since it’s still hot then, they grow their buds, and they start lying dormant.”

“...Huh, I see......”

 

If I’d said something more, I could have left the conversation off on a good spot. This feeling...

Left it feeling uncertain, but I couldn’t force myself to say anything further.

Unable to do anything about it, I exhaled thinly with a “Phew.” And what you did after? You laughed again.

Sheesh. The fact that we’ve been together so long is also a problem for me.

 

Still,

I didn’t know that cherry blossom buds await spring for so long.

 

“Going dormant... for that long?”

“Yeah, they’re hibernating. They keep sleeping, until it’s past autumn, past the winter, and once spring comes, they bloom their flowers.”

“They sleep for a pretty long time.”

“I know, right? They must have high-ranking positions if they can do that.”

 

He laughed, saying, “I envy them.”

I didn’t think I did, though.

 

Didn’t the cherry blossoms think that spring was a short time for them, after enduring such a long, long time, lying in wait?

They bloom in an instant, yet they immediately fall and scatter.

They’d been exposed to the cold wintry wind and buried in snow. Compared to the time they had spent enduring it all, that instant was short, like the blink of an eye. They’d bloom beautifully, as if they were a dream, and then resolutely scatter away.

To only remain etched into people’s eyes and memories.

Despite all of it, that’s what makes cherry blossoms beautiful, I suppose.

 

I wonder if that was when some sort of premonition began to weigh on me.

When you said that you envied the cherry blossoms, I remember my heart tightening slightly.

That all happened before his illness was discovered.

It happened long, long ago, before all sorts of things happened.

 

And one day, you suddenly coughed up blood.

 

——

 

I noticed you laying down at the roots of the cherry blossom tree past noon.

 

I was walking as I carried a dessert small enough to fit in the palm of my hand.

I’d received it from an acquaintance in town.

It was a candy made by simmering sugar, or... something.

It was incredibly small, almost too slight to be called a form of amusement, but it was definitely there. That small package made my heart flutter, as the length of my stride grew naturally longer.

Concepts and things that I couldn’t have hoped for in the past, were slowly coming into shape.

I was thinking that I’d like to share with you the lovely weight of being able to actually experience that.

......Leaving out the little details, you like sweets, don’t you?

 

As I neared you, I could tell that your chest was rising and falling slightly.

Breathing little sighs with a “Whew...” must be a habit of yours at this point.

I wouldn’t be able to shake myself off from you my whole life, and it’s all your fault. I got slightly peeved thinking that, but the person in question was sleeping with such a comfortable expression. As always.

 

“......Sheesh. You aren’t even aware of how I feel.”

 

But I’m fine with you staying unaware.

 

Hey, you.

Please, don’t bloom with such resolution.

Keep on living through life, filthy and horrid as it is.

Even if you were to fall to the ground as a bud without blooming, you’ve lived through these tough times. I’m sure that you are more beautiful than anyone else.

 

Don’t be beautiful, as if you were a dream.

Be drenched in mud as you trip and stumble. Even despite your setbacks, you get back up and keep walking.

Proceed on a path like that with me.

Even as we dream of the flower which will one day bloom. As long as we’ve managed to walk together, that way of living will truly become a flower.

That’s what I believe.

 

Yumemigusa.

[Dream Flower / Cherry Blossom.]

With this, it concludes.

 

Thank you very much.